What it Means to be Married to A Quarrelsome Queen
by Pastor Dag Heward-MIlls
It is better to dwell in the wilderness, than with a contentious and an angry woman. Proverbs 21:19
An odious woman is an outspoken lady who tends to quarrel with all and sundry. When she is married to a quiet man, she rules freely and determines the tone of her marriage through her quarrels.
Quarrelsome ladies may be a little extra beautiful. Perhaps, her beauty is a compensation for her poor character. If she were not so beautiful no one would ever marry her. The beauty of Quarrelsome Queens has fooled many a man.
Then the cover of lead was raised, and THERE IN THE BASKET SAT A WOMAN! He said, “THIS IS WICKEDNESS,” and he pushed her back into the basket and pushed the lead cover down over its mouth. Zechariah 5:7-8 (NIV)
Many ministers are surprised to find that their beautiful, angelic wives have such bad character traits. Yes, she is stubborn and long discussions have to be held for her to change her mind on anything!
Before marriage, some brothers are actually impressed by the contentious attitude of the “Quarrelsome Queen”. They actually describe their bride as a woman of strong character who knows what she wants. What they do not realise is that the “strong character” is an ominous sign of her quarrelsome traits.
One of the first surprises will be the shock in finding how much the Quarrelsome Queencan shout. You will be shocked to find her shouting at everyone in the house.
This same person smiles gently and sweetly at everyone she meets in church. Many people think, “Pastor is really lucky to have this gentle angel as his wife.” They have no idea that he is married to a Quarrelsome Queen.
Some Quarrelsome Queens do not shout at all but will contend against you by casting insinuations and having a negative attitude of silence and bitterness. It is as if they have mistakenly eaten a gall bladder. Non-shouting Quarrel some Queens are equally wicked, prosecuting every little issue to its logical conclusion.
The Quarrelsome Queen has quarrels with different individuals, especially other ladies. When she meets up with fellow Quarrelsome Queens, there are fireworks and soon there is a long list of people who have had clashes with the pastor’s wife.
Most of us do not associate wickedness with beautiful girls. You would have thought that an angelic beauty would be kind to house helps, maids and relatives. The pastor has to talk to her to show some kindness to his mother and sisters. She seems to want to have nothing to do with his family.
The Beast
1. The Quarrelsome Queenis an early starter. Since quarrelling is her nature, it comes out very early in their relationship or marriage. This wife develops a reputation for having quarrels with different people in the church.
One day I visited a church which was pastored by a faithful older man who had married a younger beautiful lady.
The pastor’s wife was quite an outstanding beauty.
I watched this pastor’s wife smile sweetly and engage in little chitchats with everyone. She was quite conscious of her beauty and her appearance. When it was time for service, I noticed how she took an extra ten minutes to put on her make-up and fix her hair behind the stage. She couldn’t seem to get enough paint on her face! Watch out for ladies who are extra conscious about how they look on stage, rather than how they behave at home.
As events developed, I was amazed to find out that this beautiful pastor’s wife who spent so much time dressing up behind the stage was actually a Quarrelsome Queen.
In fact, she had displayed such a bad attitude very early on in the marriage, during their honeymoon. During a discussion she was having with the bridegroom (her pastor) she jumped up in the wedding chamber and shouted at her husband and said, “I will not have any of this. I do not take nonsense from men!”
She continued, “I am experienced. I know men! I will not take nonsense from you or anyone!”
Then, she took off her wedding ring and threw it to the ground and stamped off in a fury. All this happened in the first few hours of their marriage. The pastor was dumbfounded and could not believe what was happening to him.
He staggered into the adjoining chamber and made a phone call to a friend. He described what had just happened. His friend on the other end of the line was equally speechless. He whispered to the pastor, “I think you got the wrong one.” Indeed, it turned out that he had gotten the wrong one.
I remember another beautiful lady who married a young missionary. She was an outstanding beauty and it was no surprise when she was selected by the young virgin pastor as his “beloved”. After several months of counseling they got married and began their life together. With time it became difficult for her to hold back her quarreling nature. During an argument, just four weeks into their marriage, she blurted out, “I shouldn’t have married you!”
She continued, “I had other options! I shouldn’t have married you!” Then she said, “You are a small boy. You don’t have anything!”
From then on, their wonderful marriage experienced the rude awakening of what it means to be a Quarrelsome Queen.
One of my missionaries married a beautiful Quarrelsome Queen.You should have seen them at their wedding! All bright and beautiful! Just three weeks into their marriage, the Quarrelsome Queen woke her husband up at dawn.
I know you are thinking that she woke her husband up to make love to him. After all they had been together for just twenty-one days. Indeed, she woke him up at dawn because she was packing her bags to leave. She told him, “I am leaving!”
She said to him, “You are somebody who has nothing!” She continued, “I do not need you!” Then she said, “You can report me to the pastors. I don’t care. I will soon become immune to all your reporting.”
This Quarrelsome Queenfound her husband to be too slow and too indecisive. She pointed out to him, “You are not forceful enough and you never make the right decisions.” With that she was gone from the home and it took more than a year of counselling to get her to come back to her husband.
The Dangers
1. Failure: Pastors who are married to
Quarrelsome Queensare often unsuccessful on the mission field because their wives are unable to blend in with the congregation and draw the members to her husband. Such wives do not attract the congregation to the church. They actually scatter the congregation in a very real way. The fruits of ministry must be borne in an atmosphere of peace.
And the fruit of righteousness is sown in peace of them that make peace. James 3:18
One young pastor had the unfortunate experience of his young wife dying soon after they got married. He remarried another beautiful young lady and carried on with his mission.
After being married to his second wife for some time, I asked him, “How do you find this second marriage compared to the first?” He said, “My second wife is better at sex than my first so I enjoy that part better.” He continued, “My first wife was very calm and quite non-sexual.” Then he continued, “My second wife is also quite quarrelsome. There is always one argument or another.”
I paused. Then I asked him, “so, over all, which of the two wives do you prefer? The ‘peaceful asexual wife’ or the ‘quarrelsome sexy wife’?” He said, “I think I prefer the ‘peaceful asexual’ one!” Amazing! This brother’s testimony shows that peacefulness is a very important quality for a happy life. Do not underestimate the importance of peace in a marriage.
2. Confusion: A pastor who is married to a Quarrel some Queen is unable to co-exist with other key families who are important to the mission. This is because his quarrelsome wife does not get along with the other families and often prevents the “family spirit” from developing.
3. Poverty: Indeed, a pastor who is married to a
Quarrelsome Queen can expect poverty. He is likely to have limited success in ministry due to his wife’s frequent quarreling. She will scatter the very people who are important to his life.
He that is not with me is against me; and he that gathereth not with me scattereth abroad. Matthew 12:30
4. Unanswered prayer: The pastor who is married to a Quarrelsome Queencan expect to have unanswered prayers. Misunderstandings and quarrels between the husband and wife can hinder prayers.
Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; THAT YOUR PRAYERS BE NOT HINDERED. 1 Peter 3:7
5. Hatred: A pastor who is married to a Quarrelsome Queen can dislike his wife greatly for the contention she brings to his life. A pastor who is married to a quarrelsome lady can grow to dislike his wife for scattering important people from his life. He is in danger of being filled with hatred.
by Dag Heward-Mills
Best selling author and a mega church pastor.
It is better to dwell in the wilderness, than with a contentious and an angry woman. Proverbs 21:19
An odious woman is an outspoken lady who tends to quarrel with all and sundry. When she is married to a quiet man, she rules freely and determines the tone of her marriage through her quarrels.
Quarrelsome ladies may be a little extra beautiful. Perhaps, her beauty is a compensation for her poor character. If she were not so beautiful no one would ever marry her. The beauty of Quarrelsome Queens has fooled many a man.
Then the cover of lead was raised, and THERE IN THE BASKET SAT A WOMAN! He said, “THIS IS WICKEDNESS,” and he pushed her back into the basket and pushed the lead cover down over its mouth. Zechariah 5:7-8 (NIV)
Many ministers are surprised to find that their beautiful, angelic wives have such bad character traits. Yes, she is stubborn and long discussions have to be held for her to change her mind on anything!
Before marriage, some brothers are actually impressed by the contentious attitude of the “Quarrelsome Queen”. They actually describe their bride as a woman of strong character who knows what she wants. What they do not realise is that the “strong character” is an ominous sign of her quarrelsome traits.
One of the first surprises will be the shock in finding how much the Quarrelsome Queencan shout. You will be shocked to find her shouting at everyone in the house.
This same person smiles gently and sweetly at everyone she meets in church. Many people think, “Pastor is really lucky to have this gentle angel as his wife.” They have no idea that he is married to a Quarrelsome Queen.
Some Quarrelsome Queens do not shout at all but will contend against you by casting insinuations and having a negative attitude of silence and bitterness. It is as if they have mistakenly eaten a gall bladder. Non-shouting Quarrel some Queens are equally wicked, prosecuting every little issue to its logical conclusion.
The Quarrelsome Queen has quarrels with different individuals, especially other ladies. When she meets up with fellow Quarrelsome Queens, there are fireworks and soon there is a long list of people who have had clashes with the pastor’s wife.
Most of us do not associate wickedness with beautiful girls. You would have thought that an angelic beauty would be kind to house helps, maids and relatives. The pastor has to talk to her to show some kindness to his mother and sisters. She seems to want to have nothing to do with his family.
The Beast
1. The Quarrelsome Queenis an early starter. Since quarrelling is her nature, it comes out very early in their relationship or marriage. This wife develops a reputation for having quarrels with different people in the church.
One day I visited a church which was pastored by a faithful older man who had married a younger beautiful lady.
The pastor’s wife was quite an outstanding beauty.
I watched this pastor’s wife smile sweetly and engage in little chitchats with everyone. She was quite conscious of her beauty and her appearance. When it was time for service, I noticed how she took an extra ten minutes to put on her make-up and fix her hair behind the stage. She couldn’t seem to get enough paint on her face! Watch out for ladies who are extra conscious about how they look on stage, rather than how they behave at home.
As events developed, I was amazed to find out that this beautiful pastor’s wife who spent so much time dressing up behind the stage was actually a Quarrelsome Queen.
In fact, she had displayed such a bad attitude very early on in the marriage, during their honeymoon. During a discussion she was having with the bridegroom (her pastor) she jumped up in the wedding chamber and shouted at her husband and said, “I will not have any of this. I do not take nonsense from men!”
She continued, “I am experienced. I know men! I will not take nonsense from you or anyone!”
Then, she took off her wedding ring and threw it to the ground and stamped off in a fury. All this happened in the first few hours of their marriage. The pastor was dumbfounded and could not believe what was happening to him.
He staggered into the adjoining chamber and made a phone call to a friend. He described what had just happened. His friend on the other end of the line was equally speechless. He whispered to the pastor, “I think you got the wrong one.” Indeed, it turned out that he had gotten the wrong one.
I remember another beautiful lady who married a young missionary. She was an outstanding beauty and it was no surprise when she was selected by the young virgin pastor as his “beloved”. After several months of counseling they got married and began their life together. With time it became difficult for her to hold back her quarreling nature. During an argument, just four weeks into their marriage, she blurted out, “I shouldn’t have married you!”
She continued, “I had other options! I shouldn’t have married you!” Then she said, “You are a small boy. You don’t have anything!”
From then on, their wonderful marriage experienced the rude awakening of what it means to be a Quarrelsome Queen.
One of my missionaries married a beautiful Quarrelsome Queen.You should have seen them at their wedding! All bright and beautiful! Just three weeks into their marriage, the Quarrelsome Queen woke her husband up at dawn.
I know you are thinking that she woke her husband up to make love to him. After all they had been together for just twenty-one days. Indeed, she woke him up at dawn because she was packing her bags to leave. She told him, “I am leaving!”
She said to him, “You are somebody who has nothing!” She continued, “I do not need you!” Then she said, “You can report me to the pastors. I don’t care. I will soon become immune to all your reporting.”
This Quarrelsome Queenfound her husband to be too slow and too indecisive. She pointed out to him, “You are not forceful enough and you never make the right decisions.” With that she was gone from the home and it took more than a year of counselling to get her to come back to her husband.
The Dangers
1. Failure: Pastors who are married to
Quarrelsome Queensare often unsuccessful on the mission field because their wives are unable to blend in with the congregation and draw the members to her husband. Such wives do not attract the congregation to the church. They actually scatter the congregation in a very real way. The fruits of ministry must be borne in an atmosphere of peace.
And the fruit of righteousness is sown in peace of them that make peace. James 3:18
One young pastor had the unfortunate experience of his young wife dying soon after they got married. He remarried another beautiful young lady and carried on with his mission.
After being married to his second wife for some time, I asked him, “How do you find this second marriage compared to the first?” He said, “My second wife is better at sex than my first so I enjoy that part better.” He continued, “My first wife was very calm and quite non-sexual.” Then he continued, “My second wife is also quite quarrelsome. There is always one argument or another.”
I paused. Then I asked him, “so, over all, which of the two wives do you prefer? The ‘peaceful asexual wife’ or the ‘quarrelsome sexy wife’?” He said, “I think I prefer the ‘peaceful asexual’ one!” Amazing! This brother’s testimony shows that peacefulness is a very important quality for a happy life. Do not underestimate the importance of peace in a marriage.
2. Confusion: A pastor who is married to a Quarrel some Queen is unable to co-exist with other key families who are important to the mission. This is because his quarrelsome wife does not get along with the other families and often prevents the “family spirit” from developing.
3. Poverty: Indeed, a pastor who is married to a
Quarrelsome Queen can expect poverty. He is likely to have limited success in ministry due to his wife’s frequent quarreling. She will scatter the very people who are important to his life.
He that is not with me is against me; and he that gathereth not with me scattereth abroad. Matthew 12:30
4. Unanswered prayer: The pastor who is married to a Quarrelsome Queencan expect to have unanswered prayers. Misunderstandings and quarrels between the husband and wife can hinder prayers.
Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; THAT YOUR PRAYERS BE NOT HINDERED. 1 Peter 3:7
5. Hatred: A pastor who is married to a Quarrelsome Queen can dislike his wife greatly for the contention she brings to his life. A pastor who is married to a quarrelsome lady can grow to dislike his wife for scattering important people from his life. He is in danger of being filled with hatred.
by Dag Heward-Mills
Best selling author and a mega church pastor.
